Nick's Journal
Many of my musings are typically centered on the building blocks of how to approach the world. This is not by accident. When I went through a period of introspection, a near universal exercise for those of us in middle age, I quickly realized that I had never truly set aside enough time and deliberate focus to inform myself on how I wanted to live my life. That is not to say that I had been completely rudderless, as I strongly believe that we all have an internal compass, a concept I often refer to as ‘the Divine’. It did mean though that when I looked back at the direction of my life, it felt more like autopilot than careful consideration.
Looking at the arc of a human life, one can quickly see why this could be a common occurrence. You are born into this world with a near blank slate. You spend your early years watching those around you, observing actions of those navigating the world, and hopefully reading about a variety of subjects. In doing so, you begin to form a map of how to succeed in a world that can all too often be harsh and unforgiving.
If you are skilled at this then you will often find that you are doing quite well in life. You will enter rooms and know the people that you need to impress. You will pick up on all the social cues that elevate you above your peers. You will solve problems faster, know where to focus your efforts for impact and, in doing so, will gain leadership advantages as those less capable seek to earn your approval. And for your early years, this is likely all you will need. It is hard enough to succeed that you won’t have much time for anything else regardless.
One day though, as you achieve greater and greater things in your life, you may feel what many come to feel. If you haven’t strayed too far from that internal compass then you won’t have done anything too upsetting in achieving all the things that you have, and if you have strayed, then you may have done any number of deplorable things. Regardless of whether you arrive at this point unscathed, or scarred beyond recognition, the purpose of this exercise should be the same. To determine the basis on which you will weigh your actions going forward and the reasons that basis is important to you.
Why this is so important is that when you reach that point in your life you will often look back and realize that many of the things that you did were aimed at nothing more than being effective. At being an effective friend, an effective mate, an effective employee. If you pay close attention to those around you that are effective, you can learn to mimic the most effective behaviors and become that way yourself. Humans are great at this and do it naturally, learning through mimicry. And if you never ground yourself in understanding who you are and why you choose to be that way, you can be an incredibly effective mimic of people who are engaged in morally bankrupt behaviors, people pursuing selfish ends at the cost of those around them. This might be effective in any number of ways, but is it who you want to be?
In my case it certainly was not. The thing is though, once you stop maximizing for effectiveness, the world becomes far more difficult than it was before. If all you are concerned about is what works, you can make a whole lot of progress. If you then add a number of other caveats, it necessarily becomes more difficult. If it has to work for you and those you work with, you’re now carrying a lot more weight. If a decision has to consider your friends, your mate, the others around you, it’s now trying to do so much more than it was before.
It is that very same difficulty that makes it fundamental that you fully understand why taking that harder route is important to you. When you face decisions that come with personal sacrifice, which you will countless times, you need to know that you are okay with that sacrifice and have accepted it because you have placed your values above simply the endless pursuit of ‘effectiveness’ and ‘personal outcomes’ that the modern world is built around. No one else can make these decisions for you and you will never find a ‘solved’ answer for what is the best way to live your life or that gives you certainty that there is no better way. That can only come from within.
Depending on how old you are when you read this, it will either resonate or it will not. At twenty I suspect it is impossible to truly grasp this as you are still learning and experiencing. At thirty, if you have lived a difficult life, this may already ring true. At forty you will probably be on this journey, either just beginning or many steps into the path that you have decided to walk.
For what it is worth, having spent immeasurable hours on this topic, having sought wisdom in religion, history, myths, science and literature, I found that the only answer that ever felt true was the one that had been with me from the beginning. The inner compass, the knowledge of right and wrong, the piece of me that pointed to the selfless acts and the more difficult path that considered the whole. The Divine, as I have come to refer to it. The other paths always just seemed like echoes of the same thing, attempts at being the most effective selfish actor in a room, while disguising it from those around you and even yourself.
Good luck for those of you that decide the same as I have for it will not be easy. You will still have those who rely on you, those who need you to provide, and those who need you to stand up to acts that go against the whole. The modern world is as slanted against that mindset as it has ever been, but that is all the more reason to embrace it and suffer as you must. We all fall from grace, but if we all try to find our way back, that is the only world worth our collective efforts.
Much love as always,
Nick